The recommendation to "put your oxygen mask on first" comes from the safety videos on airplanes. A parent should put their mask on before helping their child with their mask. This spirit of this expression is described by child and adolescent psychiatry research. Parental wellness can drastically impact the wellness of their child. Tending to one's self-care before helping others isn't always easy. This rings true especially during the fallout of a major disaster like the fires ravaging the Los Angeles area.
Taking care of yourself, even when there are a lot of other things to take care of, is critical. This applies to parents caring for children, adults caring for the sick or elderly, or concerned neighbors helping others in the community. While others may depend on guidance, support, and caregiving, the stronger the base the better the system. Self-care does not mean others should be neglected or that all time and energy is devoted to the self. Rather it is a reminder that the self shouldn't be missed in the equation of allocating time, energy, and devotion.
Some people feel guilt or are concerned it is selfish to tend to one's mental and physical health during a crisis. However, this fallacy misses the many prosocial and adaptive benefits of self care during a crisis. If a person is stressed and unable to sleep, think, breath or eat well, their ability to help others is compromised. Stressed out humans who aren't tending to their own health can have impairments in thinking clearly and effectively, lack the bandwidth to care for others in distress, and be hampered by negative emotional states and burnout. Self-care is not selfish; it is the opposite and helps those around you. It also models for others that taking care of oneself is healthy and productive.
Studies have shown that there are lower rates of PTSD in children whose parents are attentive and supportive following a disaster. It is hard to be attentive and supportive for others if you are not doing okay yourself.
Lean into family, friends, community, and professional services if needed. Working with an experienced psychotherapist can help make navigating the competing demands an individual faces a little less hard. Big feelings and anxieties can come up when making difficult decisions and making sacrifices for yourself and others. Psychotherapy can help you be reach a greater sense of clarity and peace with your decision making. Seeking help is often viewed as a form of self-care.
Our Ficus Psych clinicians are here to help.
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